It's been a long time since I met up with my prophetess...HAHA! And she did it again...Prophecise. Haha! Just 30mins before meeting her she posted this on her fb wall "The worst thing that can happen is a hardened heart!" Yup, her post addressed abit of what I was about to speak to her about.
I met Yining to get inspired by her testimonies she received in India and to know how we both were doing :D Our meeting lasted for 4hours. Thankfully she didn't prophecy the whole time. HAHA! LOLS! And thankfully after 2 hours at Coffee Bean we shifted to Burger King if not our butts would've grown roots in the chair...HAHA!
Hearing how real God is in her life especially during her India mission trip only rakes back the familiar longings and experiences I had with God from the deep recesses of my soul. "But", I thought, "That's all the past. What about now God??"
She showed me her India mission trip journal...Whoa. I tell you...the number of alphabets on one page of her journal can match up to the number of ants in one nest man. HAHA! I'm not kidding. The font size is like size 5 with word spacing so small and paragraph spacing 0. That's how much reflections she has over the mission trip. Cool eh? She's even more wordy than me man. HAHA!
And she isn't all that fiery as she was and as I was too. Apparently the sands of time had put out a bit of the forest fire we had for Jesus. However, she still has that campfire burning there unlike mine...that's been reduced to a candle flame...haha. She says Xin Jin really mirrors her old self. I think she mirrors my zealous, passionate, soft-hearted, go-all-out-for-Jesus past too. She's awesome. I'm indirectly praising us - Yining & myself. HAHA! LOLS!
She also filled me in on what's going on in MM and in the leadership and other stuffs. Really respect Yining man...She has great insights and a really patient heart. More patient than mine that is...She sees everything I see and we actually hold very much the same views but we hold very much different reactions.
I guess God is using circumstances and people to groom me man...my patience first of all, and knowing that as much as I think I can do a lot of things, I am not in control; God is.
Well her main encouragement to me is "Jiayou!! So long you don't give God up, He won't give you up!!" I won't give up on you God. Etched deep within the soulful recesses of my heart lies that calling that God has placed inside that somehow will never die. It's not just a calling, it's a cry. A cry to see His perfect will be fulfilled in a stubborn Earth.
I realised I had talked with her for sooo long when I took a peek at my watch and realised that I was supposed to meet Jon Wee, Daryl & Yourong at Bugis @ 7pm. The time on my watch read: 6:45pm. DiaosS! & Where was I at? Burger King at Kallang Leisure Park. Haha.
So yup, went to meet them and we had lil' live firing exercise over dinner...you can read that in my previous blog post :D HAHA!
Subsequently, on a Sunday night, I had dinner with Abigail :) It's been pretty long since I've met up with her man. So a little ad-hoc dinner did us good with the catching up :D She filled me in on her school issues and church ones.
I'm really glad to hear her love for her cellies..hear the way she loves them and how they love her back...Once again that brings about that nostalgia...where I once was a cell leader myself...loving my guys and seeing them grow and all. I guess there's something within me that will take cell leadership back. Maybe ministry-based cell group.
I don't just want to grow people. I want to grow them in a specific area of our expertise. Like music or apologetics or whatever. I wanna impart what I can best impart and inspire them to do likewise and continue the kingdom. So noble eh?? HAHA! But somehow, that's the only worthy cause that I'd give my life passionately for.
So yup, I filled Abigail in about what season of my life I'm going through now...as she begin to hear about how I've lost my love for people and my frustrations and all...she almost cried. Haha! Cry because she can feel abit of what I'm going thru and cry because she knows that God can help me even though I think He doesn't want to. She was saying "If I cry now people will think that you're breaking up with me or something!! HAHA!". LOLS!
But yeah, I would've cried too. But my tears have dried up and my heart is hardening up. I've believed in the many lies that Satan have sown. Lies that say people don't care about you and won't change so you shouldn't give half a damn about them. Lies that say God doesn't care! Look at how much you've tried to seek God the whole of the past year? Nothing! No revelation, no tears, nothing! Why bother waiting upon a God who's forgotten about you?
I've lost much of my faith and hope. Somehow. To think that I know so much and am governed by all the reasons that prove God real and that He loves and hears me all the time doesn't help really frustrates me. Because intellectually you can prove it. Bible verses, philosophy, logic, etc...I can eloquently convince someone to believe what I believe in. Try me.
But here in my spiritual life, I don't feel it, I'm not living it. It's like you know in science that when it rains real heavily, it is accompanied by lightning and thunder. But when you don't see the lightning and hear the thunder after a few thunderstorms, you'd start to doubt the theory. But you still know it's true because there are lots of other factors that could've affected the silent outcome.
Anyway, Abigail's main encouragement to me is also "Jiayou!! We still love you and will be there for you! :)" If I were a girl, we probably would've embraced. Or vice-versa. Too bad I can't really get that from my close guy friends other than a rare 1 or 2 of 'em. Haha.
So yup, we had a great pizza hut meal @ Tampines Mall that lasted for 3 hours. Haha.
Wonder who's the next person I'll have coffee with...Hmmm...I hope that person's God, personally man. I'd better go ask if He's free this week...
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