Hold My Heart

If there's any song that echoes my crying soul, it's this song.



HOLD MY HEART
Tenth Avenue North
Christian Contemporary

HOW LONG MUST I PRAY, MUST I PRAY TO YOU?
HOW LONG MUST I WAIT, MUST I WAIT FOR YOU?
HOW LONG 'TIL I SEE YOUR FACE
SEE YOU SHINING THROUGH?

Pre-Chorus:
I'M ON MY KNEES, BEGGING YOU TO NOTICE ME
I'M ON MY KNEE FATHER WILL YOU TURN TO ME?

Chorus:
ONE TEAR IN THE DRIVING RAIN
ONE VOICE IN A SEA OF PAIN
COULD THE MAKER OF THE STARS
HEAR THE SOUND OF MY BREAKING HEART?
ONE LIFE, THAT'S ALL I AM
RIGHT NOW I CAN BARELY STAND
IF YOU'RE EVERYTHING YOU SAY YOU ARE
WOULD YOU COME CLOSE AND HOLD MY HEART

I'VE BEEN SO AFRAID
AFRAID TO CLOSE MY EYES
SO MUCH CAN SLIP AWAY
BEFORE I SAY GOODBYE
BUT IF THERE'S NO OTHER WAY
I'M DONE ASKING WHY

Pre-Chorus 2:
I'M ON MY KNEES
BEGGING YOU TO TURN TO ME
I'M ON MY KNEES
FATHER WILL YOU RUN TO ME?
Bridge:
SO MANY QUESTIONS WITHOUT ANSWERS
YOUR PROMISES REMAIN
I CAN'T SEE BUT I'LL TAKE MY CHANCES
TO HEAR YOU CALL MY NAME
TO HEAR YOU CALL MY NAME

Tag:
HOLD MY HEART
COULD YOU HOLD MY HEART?
HOLD MY HEART

I really love Tenth Avenue North, their whole album rocks big time man. Haha. The "You" here obviously refers to Jesus and the lyrics really resound in my heart "Could the maker of the stars, hear the sound of my breaking heart?", "If You're everything You say You are, would You, come close and hold my heart."

The questions are not challenges to God but heart-broken questions that draws from the knowledge of the loving history of our heavenly Father.

I guess I needa really needa muster my faith and spend more time with God. I haven't been spending more time with God simply because my "sessions" with God now are unlike my previous 'secret place' encounters. So I find my time 'wasted'.

But I've come to realise that I can't do without my "dosage" of Jesus. Even though He may be like "AWOL" or "AFK", I still will seek Him whole-heartedly. Because by not doing so, it doesn't help the situation. Denouncing His existence or getting angry with Him changes nothing and improves nothing! For deep in my soul there's still this cry for love, His Love...His and only His love can fill that vacuum in my heart.

So I'd better muster my faith (for without faith it's impossible to please God - Hebrews 11:6) and put in my wholehearted effort (You will seek Me and find Me when you seek Me with all your heart - Jeremiah 29:13) in seeking God again. "Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled." Matthew 5:6

Anyway, today was rather packed. Had street-E in the morn, Fish4men prayer & planning in the afternoon, Youth Anni rehearsal in the late afternoon and a date with my darling at night :)

I started of the day quite bad. I was at the bus stop ready to take the bus to church and when I searched for my wallet to tap on the ez-link scanner, I realised, I left my BLOODY WALLET AT HOME!!!

I was so pissed off that I almost wanted to call Uncle Richard and tell him "I'm not coming for street E liao!" But of course, I didn't la...Haha. And Xin Jin joined us today! Yay! :D I was really encouraged by her when I asked her how's street E? She replied "It's so fun & interesting! :)" I'm really glad that I've found this new friend that's also this passionate about evangelism :)
I'm starting to regain my love for street E again...I didn't share the gospel to anyone today because the 1st guy I approached also have the ability to convert me to a Christian and the 2nd guy (who is a 3rd sergeant like me) is rushing to NDP rehearsal. Haha. So if'd shared the gospel with him, he'd have signed at least 7 extras for being late. Haha!

But I was accompanying Meryl & Jin Yu...and she shared the gospel to 3 very bright primary school kids. Seeing how Meryl shared & how the kids responded simply warmed my heart again. Every seed of truth that was sown into their lives made every second of sleep I lost for the street E worthwhile. This divine appointment engineered in heaven simply awakened my passion for the lost again...I cannot put my joy into words...I really, really can't. I'd give my life everyday for such moments.

This lets me recall what Bill Hybels said in his book about maintaining your spiritual well-being...He asks "Is your passion hot?" Do something that keeps your passion hot! For him it was preaching in a small church and seeing how they progress sets his heart on fire. For me, street E is one of the new events I found that sets my heart on fire. The other is talking to someone and inspiring them in their walk with Christ.

So I'd better do more of these...for it's my responsibility to keep my passion hot!

And I'm in the cast of the coming Youth Anniversary! HAHA! They last minute called me to fill the role of the "Wise Old Man"...a character of over-arching wisdom and love. Basically, this "Wise Old Man" depicts God :) So I'm playing a huge role here. HAHA!

And I had a little character-correcting session with Ps Daniel (my youth pastor), Ps Aaron (my ex-youth pastor & current ministry head) & Anthony (my Zone Supervisor). I sort of knew where they'd come from & know the heart problems that are plaguing me...But I've yet to find the solution. I've actually mentioned the solution above. Just need to work on it.

As you progress in the faith, the solutions ain't that straight-forward any longer.

Melvin & I were deciding where to go...Then he was like
"Let's go play LAN la since you like to play :)"
My reply "Only 2 of us play what?"
His innocent reply "Call Joel la"
I was like "Erm...you mean Joel Qin?"
He was "Yalar...then who?"
Me was "You didn't send him off that day ar?"
Melvin suddenly 'huang ran da wu' that Joel's gone! HAHA!

We miss you Joel, you've become such a regular part of our lives that we include you even when you're a 1000 miles away. Be touched ok? HAHAHA!

Anyway, we went shopping :D I bought a really nice brown boat shoes :) It was on 50% discount so I tried it on and we both agreed it was nice so I went ahead with the deal :) yay! :D Haha.

On the way back home, Melvin almost got us into a fight by refusing to apologise to a mudd for banging into him. The brainless-only-know-how-to-fight-Melayu was like "Eh! You cannot see ar?! Bloody *#$%^&!" In the end Melvin just said "I didn't see you la...accident what." And we just walked off while that uneducated malay continued swearing away to his own embarassment.

Standard ah...Must be the yalams la. Haha.

So yeah, that was my day :) I pray I'll have the discipline and faith to maintain my spiritual health.

Oh yes, I met Calvin today, he's posted to Recee...He was so sianded man. Haha. Just like me when I was posted to Infantry. O well, I'd keep him in prayer :) Take care Calvin! :D haha.