Even if the healing doesn't come

I was about my photo editing as usual with my earpiece on and with the “Believer” album by Kutless playing into my ears in my apartment in 上海浦东新区718弄5号201室.

That was when the lyrics of these two songs: “All Yours” and “Even If” pierced my heart at 2am. I knew God was speaking to me. But it was 2am!

Here's the lyric video of these 2 awesome, heart-piercing, life-changing, truth-bringing songs :)

So the next morning I played these 2 songs again and took my guitar and had my “date” with God. I only sang the chorus of “Even If” once. The second time, my heart broke and tears was already uncontrollably streaming down my face.

The lyrics of the chorus were potent:

Even if the healing doesn't come 

And life falls apart, and dreams are still undone 

You are God, You are good, forever faithful One 

Even if the healing, even if the healing doesn't come 

I know it's a season of healing for one of my dearest friends in my life now. And it’s been working out good. I've seen how much she's grown and how much I've also grown through this lil' "mission". We've got sooo many stories and we've built a really strong friendship around Christ.

Through this song God asked me “What if the healing doesn't come? And what if everything that's been built falls apart?"

As I sang the part “You are God, You are good, forever faithful One” my heart broke and tears just flow as I began weeping and acknowledging His love and sovereignty over our relationship :)

The next thing He told me is He is more interested in me than in whatever He’s asking me to do. The “healing mission” He assigned me is SECONDARY. Should there be no healing, He will still love me and love her because He is good, He’s forever faithful.

Thirdly, He is jealous for me! Sometimes I love the things of this world and my friends more than Him! And God is JEALOUS FOR ME! I began to break even further because I realized that He loves me SOOO MUCH!

Here’s a cosmic, transcendent creator loving His depraved, undeserving creation! But, to this extent? Wow. I felt Him say through Chris Tomlin's song lyrics from his song "Indescribable":

You see the depths of my heart
Yet you love me the same

You are amazing God

He loves me so much that He’s jealous when I don’t love Him as much! My heart is totally warmed and moved by the fact that there is a God that radically and relentlessly loves me!

I felt overwhelmed by His embrace and love that I couldn't stop weeping out loud. And I began to confess that He can strip everything away and what He’ll find is just a naked me clinging on to Him for dear life. Because He’s my everything :)

I then confessed that He can test my love for Him and I know He will test my love for Him. And He reminded me of Job and I began to weep further as I confessed:

“I dare You to test me God.

I dare You to break me.

Because I know You will restore me.

I know You will hold me.” 

And the song “All Yours” by Kutless began to further break me down:

It’s all Yours, anyway

You gave me life to give it away

It’s all Yours anyway

With blood you bought my broken heart

So here I am, take everything

It’s all Yours anyway

At the end of it all, He added one line to my song “There’s a Love that’s Stronger”. It’s the same tune as the last few lines of the bridge:

Knowing that You’re in our hearts 

Doing something bigger than who we are 

I should be recording this song soon. It's an awesome song dropped into my heart to remind my dear friend who's going through a rough patch that, there's a love that's stronger - Christ's love.

The takeaway from this session?

It’s a HUGE reassurance that God knows what’s He’s doing in my life.

He’s got it all planned. He loves me and He is jealous for me.

He’s not as interested in what I can do as to who I am becoming.

He is bringing me to another level of surrender as I confess that “it’s all Yours, anyway, You gave me life to give it away”

Love You, Jesus. With all my heart, soul, strength and being. I’ve lost myself for good within Your love, hope and promise :)