So, being back early, and being too lazy and wanting to avoid the hassle of arranging a meeting with someone, I ta-paoed and ate dinner in front my computer :D Something like what my China roomy does ON A DAILY BASIS. Haha.
Was just reading people's blogs and was really inspired and moved by some of their posts. For some of them, I have such an affinity with what they're posting and feel like just hugging them...etc...haha. Seeing how they crystallize truths they've learnt from life lessons and the usage of scripture and song to illustrate them really is a great sermon in itself.
As I read their 2011 testimonies and 2012 resolutions I feel really energized, inspired and moved...I shall do a blog post on that too....Hopefully, soon. HAHAHA! So much for the inspiration eh? LOLS.
I'm just trying to catch up with the tutorial pace...that's all. With just that, I find it quite hard to do my other hobbies like playing guitar, blogging, shopping, movie-ing, etc...I've been starved of all these ever since I ORD-ed and re-enlisted into another camp...an academic camp called Nanyang Technological University. Haha.
As I was reading, I chanced upon a post that sort of answered my friend's (Kai Sen) question...or rather, angry disapproval on why Christians shouldn't find a Christian girlfriend or boyfriend. His charge is "I HATE Christians who say 'Oh, she not Christian ar? Aiyoh, cannot be girlfriend...' I HATE FORCE CONVERSION"
My first reply was "We're Christians, not Muslims. We don't practice Jihad, HELLO?" Haha...Ok he then re-contextualized his sentiments and from it all I can see that he doesn't agree and doesn't see the full rationale behind it.
Yup, as I was reading this friend of mine's blog post, it gave a very interesting answer that sort of summarized the whole answer:
"So the BASIC question is just 'is Jesus in the centre of the relationship?'"
When I read that, I was like "Woahlah!" The whole argument simply just coalesces at this one fundamental question. From there the answer follows logically.
My friend was giving examples...Here's some with my added illustration and understanding of it:
1) Christian + Christian...The couple pray about it and both felt the peace of God and felt that this relationship is "God-ordained" or "in God's will"...Few months/years later, break up. Is God to blame?
2) Christian + Non-Christian...The non-Christian accepts Christ and they live happily ever after. OH NO! The formula that says "You cannot find a non-Christian partner" gets shattered!
Etc...You can quote thousands of examples, but all in all, it boils down to this "If God is in the centre of the relationship, it'll work out."...because, 1 Peter 4:8 "...love (Godly love) covers a multitude of sins"
Ok now, don't cite me another example of Non-Christian + Non-Christian work out how? That's another topic for another day. The answer to that one is simpler...or so it seems as I frame the argument in my mind. Haha.
Ok, we're running all over the place...So why as Christians should we not choose a non-Christian partner?
It all goes back to the Old Testament...
Ok, another argument is framing up in my mind...The OT God argument and His outlandish OT laws argument is the first thing I'm thinking of. Let's put that aside. Another topic for another day as well...That one, also pricky topic, I'm still reading up and researching on it...I do not yet have a concrete answer...Anyway, for now, skip that nihilistic argument and let's accept that God is sovereign and that His word is truth. IT IS. Haha.
Yup, there are many OT verses condemning inter-marriage such as, Exodus 34:12-16, Ezra 10:2-3, Nehemiah 13:25-27, Malachi 2:11, etc...but I think this one best summarizes them.
Deuteronomy 7:3-4 "Nor shall you make marriages with them. You shall not give your daughter to their son, nor take their daughter for your son. For they will turn your sons away from following Me, to serve other gods; so the anger of the Lord will be aroused against you and destroy you suddenly."
As much as not everything in Bible can be simply applied to our everyday lives, there are timeless truths behind those OT laws. One of them for is this: Our non-Christian partner will lead us astray.
The Israelites disobeyed this command and intermarried, look what happened to them. Even if they were not living under Jehovah's theocratic rule, they'd also be as "sinful" because they'd come under the heathen God's theocratic rule.
2 OT examples.
Solomon. 1 Kings 11:1-4. V.4 "As Solomon grew old, his wives turned his heart after other gods, and his heart was not fully devoted to the LORD his God, as the heart of David his father had been.
Samson. Judges 16. Need I say more? We all know how Delilah destroyed Samson.
I know what YOU'RE THINKING!! "My partner isn't like Delilah!" or "I'm not like Solomon!" or "It doesn't mean every non-Christian is evil and will turn me away from Christ!" or "I've got stories of Christians finding non-Christian spouses and it works out!" etc...
Before I give my answer, let's look at more verses...
2 Corinthians 6:14-15 (The Message) "Don't become partners with those who reject God. How can you make a partnership out of right and wrong? That's not partnership; that's war. Is light best friends with dark? Does Christ go strolling with the Devil? Do trust and mistrust hold hands? Who would think of setting up pagan idols in God's holy Temple? But that is exactly what we are, each of us a temple in whom God lives. God himself put it this way:
"I'll live in them, move into them;
I'll be their God and they'll be my people.
So leave the corruption and compromise;
leave it for good," says God.
"Don't link up with those who will pollute you.
I want you all for myself.
I'll be a Father to you;
you'll be sons and daughters to me."
The Word of the Master, God."
1 Corinthians 7:12-14. "12 To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. 13 And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him.14 For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy." (This verse tells us that God isn't racist or faith-cist and rejects those who haven't accept Him)
This is my take:
I think God's reason for us not to have a non-Christian partner is because He knows that the tendencies of us turning away from Him (and destroying ourselves spiritually) because of our non-Christian partner are higher than us turning our non-Christian partner to Him.
His utmost concern is US. After all, He is our ultimate lover. He loves us more than what our spouses or partners can ever love us for! If you don't see this, then, run to the altar during the next service and ask God for an encounter! HAHA!
There's no hard and fast rule that says "THOU SHALT NOT MARRY AN UNBELIEVER". I myself don't believe in that.
But why not? After all, your partner could accept Christ and become an "on-fire" Christian and you'll live happily ever after.
That's one possibility. Definitely! I don't deny that possibility! But how possible is that possibility? The Bible is strewn with examples of how getting a partner of different faith will destroy you.
I've known of more friends who left God because of their non-Christian partner than friends who "made it" with their non-Christian partner.
What are the odds?
We, being sinful human beings by nature, are naturally inclined to turn away from God because the god of this world has pervaded and intoxicated our culture and worldview.
Already myself, being in a Christian family, and with many Christian friends, find it so hard to live "Christian-ly" what more with a non-Christian partner?
So there are 3 possibilities if you stray away from Biblical advice and go on to find a pagan partner.
1) You convert him/her and you live happily ever after! [IDEAL...possible, but not advisable]
2) He/she "converts" to Christianity for the sake of keeping the relationship. [Work on it, pray more...hopefully he/she will have an encounter with God]
3) You fail to convert him/her. [DUA LAO SAI]
People like to assume the BEST SCENARIO...and when the Hollywood ending doesn't unfold, who to blame? God? Your partner? Satan?
So, to the kiasu, to play safe, this is the best way.
But that's not my main reason. Here's my main reason. I just read this off Ps Daniel's blog...my last youth pastor in Bethel.
I didn't ask his permission, but I figured it'd be fine because in his last post he said "But like I said, I did not deem them fit enough to be ‘published’ because they will mostly fail the criteria I imposed upon them before to make them public." So if it passes his stringent test of publishing, it should be fine :) Haha.
"Jaime was all ready to go to sleep, and I to the study to do some reading when she (stopped me and) asks that I pray for the both of us.
Which I obliged duly...After I was done, my wife laid her hands on me and prayed. Below is a recapitulation of what she prayed for me, as best as my patchy memory can take me.
‘Father,
I pray that Daniel will redevelop the childlike faith like when he first knew you, and that he will rely on you fully always. Help him remember how he was like when he first knew you.
Help him to rest and make him whole: physically, emotionally, mentally but above all spiritually.
Take away any anxiety, worries and uncertainties, cause him to be effective in his ministry, and also use us to be a blessing to people around us.
I commit his health into your hands. You know best. Lord, continue to mould him, prune him and change him to be more like you. Break what does not bend.
May all the decisions made by Daniel not be borne out of the flesh but of the spirit, with your wisdom.
We trust your sovereignty over our lives.
Amen.’ "
This is just an impromptu but awesome example of a Christian couple. I'd want my wife to be able to pray over me like that.
The fundamental thing she needs to understand is this:
We can never know and love each other inside out, 100%. Only God knows and love us 100%.
Knowing this, she must understand that human love is imperfect, it is flawed and she will not expect such a perfect love from me. As much as I can love her with my human 100%, it'll still fail the standards of the love which all mankind innately desire - that is God's love.
I've known of my friends' girlfriends that expect them to be like God to them. They must be at their side 24-7 and thinking of them all the time...and she expects him to understand her 100% even without her saying anything, etc...
Yup, with this biblical understanding in place, a lot of problems will be resolved. We'll understand that if we place God in the centre of our relationship, nothing but the best will unfold in our lives, because His love covers a multitude of sins...Meaning, that with His love in our hearts, we'll be able to forgive the many sins we will commit against each other because we know that God is in control and He is Lord of our relationship.
Lastly, this is the last thought I wanna leave:
How can someone really love me, when they haven't met the author of love (God)?
How can someone really love me, when they don't love the person I love the most (Jesus)?
How can someone really love me, when they don't love the person that loves me (or us) the most?
This is the rationale and conviction behind my abiding of this biblical principle. Do not commit yourself in a relationship until your partner has a relationship with the one who authored relationship. Only then will he/she understand the true meaning of love.
Oh, and Kai Sen asked me "What if you fall in love with this non-Christian girl...and you guys have an awesome relationship as 'friends'...and only after knowing her for sometime then you realize she's non-Christian. Then you're gonna reject her and then press Ctrl+Z to undo all your feelings toward her?"
He wasn't convinced by my 1st answer...so here's my 2nd (which is somewhat identical to the 1st)...
I can't and won't Ctrl+Z it, but she'll just remain my friend and until she accepts Christ, then she got green light to be my girlfriend :) Haha.
This is because she'll only be "loving" me based on her own worldly, imperfect and hollow definition of love. She doesn't and CANNOT REALLY LOVE ME because she doesn't know the true definition of what it means to love!
To step into a relationship with her knowing that she doesn't know what it REALLY means to love is to ask for trouble.
Convince and convert her? Possible. But that's before I enter into a relationship with her. If I enter FIRST into a relationship with her and FAIL TO CONVINCE HER, HOW? Backside tear! DUA LAO SAI!...In my everyday lingo...LOLS!
We'll end up hurting the both of us!
My faith and love for God is worth much more than her...and I don't wanna hurt the both of us.
Yup, this is my incomplete answer to your question. A lot more verses, illustrations, stories and argumentation are up my sleeves...but NO TIME LA! HAHA! And, I'm not paid! LOLS!! HAHAHA! For more info, please contact the author directly. HAHAHA!
I've just spent about 2 hours on this post!! I needa get back to my tutorials!!! So yup, I hope you learnt something from this!! :)
Joshua 24:15 "...Choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve...but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord."
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