Going and not knowing

The message in this chapter "Going...not knowing" by Charles R. Swindoll in his book "Come Before Winter and share my hope" reverberated in my soul.

Here are some excerpts from this seasoned author in the faith and in literature:

~~~~~~~

"And now, in obedience to the Holy Spirit I am going to Jerusalem, not knowing what will happen to me there..." Acts 20:22

What an honest admission! I am going...not knowing what will happen. That's what this thing called the Christian life is all about, isn't it? Going...yet not knowing.

As followers of our Lord we believe He leads us in a certain direction...or in pursuit of a precise goal. That leading is unmistakably clear. Not necessarily logical or explainable, but clear. At least to us.

We pack our bags, pull up stakes, bid our friends farewell and strike out. We face a future as uncertain as our leading is sure. How strange...yet how typical!

There isn't a Christian reading my words who hasn't walked that path. And struggled with ways to convince others it was right. And endured the frowns and well-meaning counsel of those who tried to point out why the idea was a fluke...even downright foolish.

For sure Abraham faced it when he wrenched up roots from his hometown soil and struck out for - let's see, where was he going? HE DIDN'T KNOW! There he was, almost 75 years old, loading up a camel caravan with his wife and family bound for...somewhere.

"It was faith that made Abraham obey when God called him to go out to a country which God had promised to give him. He left his own country without knowing where he was going."

Hebrews 11:8

It is no easy thing to leave a sure thing, walk away from an ace in the hole and start down a long, dark tunnel with no end in sight. Absolutely frightening...yet filled with unimaginable excitement.

Going...yet not knowing. Obeying...yet not understanding. Beginning a journey that's unpredictable, risky, untried and appearing virtually insane - yet prompted by none other than Himself.

Are you on the verge of such a decision? Is the Lord loosening your tent pegs today, suggesting it's time for you to take a drastic leap of faith? Are you counting on Him to direct your steps through a future that offers no tangible map?

Great! But before you jump, be sure of 4 things:

• Be sure it's the Lord who is speaking
• Be sure the decision doesn't contradict Scripture
• Be sure your motive is unselfish and pure
• Be sure the "leap" won't injure others or your testimony

~~~~~~~

Yup, I'm totally in this mode now. I'm just going...yet not knowing. I know the visions and call He's placed in my heart.

He's progressively updating and clearly specifying His will in my life...BUT, I still don't know how exactly any of what He has shown me is going to come to past!

I don't know what step to take next, what doors are open by Him and what choices to make for my next phase of life.

But, looking at God's hands in my life up till now, I daresay all will be fine. Everything will work out in the end.

Somehow, there is this familiarity in this uncertainty.

Sometimes, to keep asking God for directions is like asking a taxi driver "Where to turn next? Is this the correct street? The signboard says turn left at this junction!"

How do you think the taxi driver will react? He'll probably get angry and scold the shit outta you.

Same it is with God (not the "scold the shit outta you" part..haha). If He's taking the wheel of your life...Then, sometimes, we just needa chill, stop asking questions and let Him drive. Knowing that...

In Him is direction.

We know our final destination (and if He chooses to reveal, we'll also know our lil' pit stop destinations in between this journey) but sometimes we are just too anxious to know if we're on the right track.

Why? Because, we just want to be in control. But remember, we NEVER are in control. We can't control when we are born, where we are born and who we meet...neither can we control when we die, what happens to us before death and what happens to us after life.

Yup, as long as we walk with Him, know that "...the Lord your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you." (Deuteronomy 31:6)

"But the eyes of the Lord are on those who fear Him, on those whose hope is in His unfailing love..."

Psalm 33:18

Life in a nutshell

Got pricked by a potent, solemn depiction of life:

What the picture illustrates, according to my interpretation is this:

Life's a maze that we get lost in. We explore, learn, discover and grow while progressing through this maze and the decisions we make may bring us forward or backward. There's only one way out of this life - death.

However, the grim reaper can't touch me...

"For we believe that Jesus died and rose again, and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in Him. According to the Lord’s word, we tell you that we who are still alive, who are left until the coming of the Lord, will certainly not precede those who have fallen asleep. For the Lord Himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever. Therefore encourage one another with these words."

1 Thessalonians 4:14-18

So take heart! For...

He will swallow up death forever.

The Sovereign Lord will wipe away the tears from all faces;

He will remove His people’s disgrace from all the earth. 

The Lord has spoken. 

In that day they will say,

“Surely this is our God;

we trusted in Him, and He saved us.

This is the Lord, we trusted in Him;

let us rejoice and be glad in His salvation.”

Isaiah 25:8-9

The war's been won but the battle isn't over. Christ is the ruling party, but Satan still runs the opposition party. So live life with faith, hope and purpose my friends, for we already know our final destination.

"We are not fighting FOR victory, we are fighting FROM victory."

Psalm 49

My mind was randomly (or so it seems) brought to this verse as I was writing cards on a lazy Sunday afternoon. This chapter spoke volumes and reminded me of the reason of my allegiance to Him. May this chapter of His word through His servant David speak to you.

Psalm 49
1 Hear this, all you peoples;
listen, all who live in this world,
2 both low and high,
rich and poor alike:
3 My mouth will speak words of wisdom;
the meditation of my heart will give you understanding.
4 I will turn my ear to a proverb;
with the harp I will expound my riddle:
5 Why should I fear when evil days come,
when wicked deceivers surround me—
6 those who trust in their wealth
and boast of their great riches?
7 No one can redeem the life of another
or give to God a ransom for them—
8 the ransom for a life is costly,
no payment is ever enough—
9 so that they should live on forever
and not see decay.
10 For all can see that the wise die,
that the foolish and the senseless also perish,
leaving their wealth to others.
11 Their tombs will remain their houses forever,
their dwellings for endless generations,
though they had named lands after themselves.

12 People, despite their wealth, do not endure;

they are like the beasts that perish.

13 This is the fate of those who trust in themselves,

and of their followers, who approve their sayings.

14 They are like sheep and are destined to die;
death will be their shepherd
(but the upright will prevail over them in the morning).
Their forms will decay in the grave,
far from their princely mansions.

15 But God will redeem me from the realm of the dead;

he will surely take me to himself.

16 Do not be overawed when others grow rich,

when the splendor of their houses increases;

17 for they will take nothing with them when they die,

their splendor will not descend with them.

18 Though while they live they count themselves blessed—
and people praise you when you prosper—
19 they will join those who have gone before them,
who will never again see the light of life.
20 People who have wealth but lack understanding
are like the beasts that perish.

This passage of scripture simply reminded me that everything we can ever do, achieve, attain and strive for in this life counts as nothing.

"Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things."

Colossians 3:2

My Mistakes, Blogging Philosophy & Communication Principles

I have received feedback that my self-righteous post (Closing thoughts for 2013) has drawn ire from the protagonist and the supporting actors.

Their claim was that my entire post sounded as if I had entirely no fault at all. I'm sorry if it gave you all that impression. Thing is, I never did claim I was entirely right and I was never faultless in this entire process. I was just pouring out my thoughts (not facts or "truth") and frustration and naming the conclusion.

I didn't mention any of my mistakes because I felt they weren't the salient pointers that I wanna bring out in that blog post. Nevertheless, I will enumerate the mistake-riddled actions on my part and give my rebuttal and questions again for this whole issue.

3 parts to this post and I hope it will answer and clarify most things.

Honestly, I'm just so tired of all these. All I really just wanna do is give them all one big hug and lovingly affirm my love for them. I did, I am and I always will love each and every one of those people mentioned.

And if we agree to disagree, I will gladly extend that hand of reconciliation. I have extended it to miss bff already actually. And she was open to it...until I let her in on my previous post -_-"

I honestly regret letting you all into my thoughts. Should I have acted out my conclusion, without them knowing my mental path and past frustrations, everything would be ok. Haiss. Honesty, as proven in this instance, is not the best policy. I will elaborate more in the "Blogging Philosophy" part.

I was, I am and I will always be open for communication and I will NOT resort to actions like "You think for yourself why we are avoiding you lor. What caused us to stay away? You go and think for yourself."

And..."You think is we don't know how to answer your questions? Is we don't bother answering your questions. Ask yourself why."

Such statements are relationship destroyers and I've watched these thought patterns destroy so many relationships.

If were to tell them the same thing "You go ask yourself why I'm reacting like that lor" and expect them to discover their faults, we'll be simply at a communication-less stalemate.

Saying something is better than nothing because saying nothing DOES NOTHING. Plain logic right? But hey, some people just don't like things plain. I will elaborate this in the "communication principles" section; replete with analogies and examples.

The thing is, I don't feel totally wrong for the things I'm being "accused" for. And through this entire post I will elaborate.

I'm not being self-righteous. But for what I'm seeing, all the wrongs are simply tall orders, uncalled expectations, unchecked conclusions and specious interpretation.

If I'm being self-righteous, I wouldn't even let you into my thoughts and ask you to contest my thinking.

If I'm a stuck-up, arrogant, Pharisee, I would've just stick to my thinking and tell you "You go figure for yourself why I'm doing this."

This is very much what they're doing actually. So yeah. But granted, there are several factors that did cause that reaction too, to which I will also elaborate.

Haisss...Ok, lemme begin...

My Mistakes

What did I do wrong?
1) Transmission error.

The whole thing started because there were pernicious reports going to her ear. When I heard them, it was plain, outlandish, absurd bullshit.

But then again, the fact that such awesome stories can get to her ear means that maybe I did not relate the story properly.

Knowing myself as a joker and exaggerator, sometimes I may dramatize things (which brings more tickles than stares). So maybe some of them took them as real.

For that, I'm truly sorry if there were parts that I misrepresented us.

Truth is, when I checked with some of my sources, they really did remember some stories wrongly. I shan't give examples of the wrong stories here because it's not appropriate and it profits no one. Yeah, I guess people just remember it wrongly and it's most probably due to my drama-mama moments.

I'm not faulting any of my friends who remembered descriptions or details of what I said wrongly because it's but natural and only human to misrepresent people - we don't have perfect memory.

But as far as I'm concerned, I remember no specific instance of deliberate fabrication of any of the stories you've heard.

Secondly, upon further deliberation with my friends, what started out as a good intention became a disastrous outcome.

I shared the story because I wanted it to be a blessing, a testimony that will encourage and build faith in my SELECT FEW listeners and therefore I shared the story of how God seeded the beginning and how He intervened in the end.

But guess what? People only remembered the in-betweens. I was telling my friends over dinner "I let you guys know so that you will see the whole storyline and see how beautiful the story is and how awesome author God is."

Their reply came "哎哟, 哪里有人管storyline的? People only want to hear the in between juicy details nia."

And then it occurred to me that, that is totally true! Some people watch movies like Transformers 2 just for Megan Fox and some watch a lousy movie just for some particular R21 bed scene or naked scene and they're done - THAT'S ALL THEY REMEMBER.

STORYLINE? WHAT STORYLINE?

I guess this was one of my gravest mistakes. Because usually (Lemme emphasize - usually) before I do most things, I'll ask myself "Does it glorify God? Does it profit anyone? What good does it do?"

And my answer to this question before divulging the story was "Yeah, it'll glorify Him and it'll breed faith in people when they see that God is the cosmic author of each and every one's life story."

And the other driving point is - whether people listen or not, your job is to do the preaching. Whether people listened or not, Jesus still preached the Good News. Whether your friends believe in God eventually or not, you still share Christ with them! Whether your friends buy the insurance or not, you still sell it to them! Why? Because you never know the outcome! You do what you need to do!

Therefore, I did what I did. I hung on to the thin thread of hope that people will appreciate the story in its fullness and see Christ glorified and not feast on the insignificant details and propagate them erroneously. But to my dismay, it seemed like the latter outdid the former.

I know some friends of mine really appreciated the story in its full plot but to my dismay, some did not. Some of them went on to relate their imperfect memories and misrepresented my words to my insecure lil' bff. Much also (lemme emphasize ALSO) to her rage and dismay.

The thing here to note is - only a small handful of people know the story. People whom I considered close enough to know. Thus, the collateral damage inflicted wouldn't be that far and wide.

I hope you see the logic and thinking behind my every action and how the outcome which I hoped for didn't come to pass.

For that, I'm really sorry. I guess my "good intentions" should not have gotten the better of me.

Justifications & questions:

And as much as I dramatize, joke and exaggerate, my friends will know that I'm doing it because, it's just ME. In my drama I do not distort the truth, I just dramatize it and all of my good friends know that. If every word that come out of me were such blatant lies, how'd you even have trusted me in the first place?

And how'd I have been held in high regard by so many friends for my honesty? Because I have so many of them confiding in me their problems and stories. You mean to tell me there is such a lack of people in this world who are trust-able that they have to come to me?

Lastly, when you hear such stories, the first thing you blame is the transmitter? So the receiver is PERFECT? There's no signal distortion or misinterpretation on the receiver's part? So whatever you hear from them is TRUTH? And I have no tuft of truth in me? You choose to trust these new "sources" over me after all the honesty I've CONSISTENTLY displayed the past few months? Honestly, that's how much I'm worth?

Drawing from the analogy of my previous post:

"Let's say news reports allege that I'm a murderer - let's say I killed my bff (it's actually a discovery science channel programme. LOL).
What will be the first course of action my parents or best friends will take?
Will they straight away come and condemn me "JONAVAN YOU MURDERER!!! LOOK AT THE NEWS!!!"
Nope they won't.
They trust me ENOUGH NOT TO believe the news report and they'll instead come to me and asked "WHAT HAPPENED?" in all open-mindedness.
The same goes for me if any of my best friends get caught in a web of consistent rumours and false reports. I'll give them the benefit of the doubt and ask them "What happened man? I'm here for you".
My dear bff was the exact opposite - she immediately believed the "murder reports" and came and condemn me. So much for the title "bff" eh?
Fine, she's also the affected party. Well now we're both affected parties. So what should we do? Stick to our cliques and let those fallacious thoughts fester? NO. We should sit down and resolve the issue together.
THIS IS PRECISELY WHAT SHE IS NOT DOING."

Please honestly consider all my justifications and ANSWER all my questions above. My apologies are as real as my justifications & questions.

Conclusion:
I have already apologized to her personally many times for the possible mis-truth that came out from me and this will once again be another instance of my apology.

I am sorry. I am truly sorry for what happened. This is never what I intended and grants me no benefit whatsoever to have said any of the things you've been hearing.

And as I always say "You can't control what people do; but you can control how you react to what people can do." And I'm here hoping that you will act in love, maturity and graciousness.

As asked in my Christmas card to you, "Will you forgive me?" And I will ask again, "Will you forgive me? This eccentric boy who once carried the label 'bff' and whom you shared so much with."

I'm so tired of this. I truly am. We are more than this. We are bigger than this. We are worth more than this. For the past, the present and the beautiful future, you were, you are and will always be a friend I will not want to lose.

2) Self-righteous TONE.

I have apologized many, many times for this issue already. From the onset when I was informed of the story misfits (via whatsapp), I apologized.

My apology probably didn't seep in because I had tons of counter-questions which were burning in me which I aired because burying those questions would only cause an implosion within me.

That barrage of questions probably led them to think that my apology wasn't all too penitential an act.

Fact is, my apology is as real as those questions.

Nonetheless, I'm sorry for putting forth so forcefully my questions such that it becomes like an interrogation and cause you all to think me unrepentant and self-righteous.

Justifications & questions:

Do questions & justifications nullify an apology? Is it wrong to apologize and justify and question within the same instance of discussion? Are they oxymoronic in nature? Are they mutually exclusive? Are those questions illegitimate?

Once again, my apology is as real as the questions I have. To take one and not the other or to see one and reject the other is to see the whipped cream on the cake and reject the whole cake because you hate whipped cream.

Conclusion:

I am sorry for portraying myself as totally in the right. I guess I could've phrased things better and not sound like a prideful lion roaring his questions away.

Truly I am sorry. This is one area I've been grappling with and working on. As I always say, we are all works in progress. No one is perfect.

But I hope you see that the roaring of my questions does NOT nullify the whisper of my apology and steadfastness of my love for you.

3) Storm bringer.

Throughout my discourse and discussion of this issue with my friends, they all pointed out this one thing about me - I bring a storm of questions, truth and emotions.

The best phrased description of this issue went something like this:

Jonavan, we all love being with you because when there's no conflict you, you bring us a lot of joy, inspiration and laughter. But when conflict arises, you bring a storm of questions, truth and emotions. Jon, you have good pointers and questions most of the time. But the way you bring it across is like sending a tornado to people's faces and however correct you may be, people won't swallow it well because they feel attacked. This storm you send is a tight slap to people's faces and it turns them off and makes them don't want to reply you.

This is kinda linked to the second point. But for this point it focuses more on the issue of pride and impatience. I've asked myself why many times.

At the bottom of this storm is a mixture of frustration, pride and impatience. The unanswered questions brews strong emotions within me that gets me into full debate-interrogation mode.

The main push is my impatience. I'm someone who wants the answers ASAP and I also give my answers ASAP. I've got a whole blog post on that already titled "Backing Off".

I'm learning that sometimes, all it takes is some time and space for things to settle. It can be analogized as sweeping a room full of dust. If you keep vigorously sweeping and sweeping, the dust will simply keep flying and flying. But if you're patient, wait and let the dust settle and then start sweeping, only then will your sweeping of the dust be effective.

Yup, I believe I've exercised this concept recently by backing off. But yeah, much is still to be learnt and improved.

Another factor is - pride. Where I believe I am in the right and therefore I go about missile-ing questions with such "moral authority". The pride syndrome also leads to quick justifications before the much needed apology.

For that, I am really sorry. I guess my pride and impatience got the better of me in such heated emotional and logical showdowns.

Justifications & questions:

Apologizing multiple times for the same issue is - I know - kinda lame. But for issues like this, I need you to help me help myself. In a relationship, it's not just about pointing out each other's flaws but to lovingly guide and help each other become someone better for each other and for others.

As much as my pride affects my quick justifications, it doesn't affect my search for truth in the debate. It was NEVER about winning the argument but seeing your perspective and to what degree it is legitimate.

If you ever have a point that is clear cut my fault that I didn't see, I will apologize. Because I believe everyone has their blind-spots and if you could show me mine through the debate, my pride will not get in the way.

My pride only makes my justifications come out before the apology. It doesn't affect my search for truth in your perspective.

As such, debates with me are NEVER POINTLESS. If it were pointless, I wouldn't even start it. I start it because I have a point to bring across and you probably have points to bring across as well.

EVERYONE IS PRIDEFUL in their own self-righteous way. It's only to what degree and how honest they are about it.

Conclusion

I am sorry for the many storms and the deafening roars. I guess that's what turned you away and triggered a nonchalant, silent response.

Help me to help myself.

When I start becoming that roaring lion, remind me lovingly that my mane is growing too thick that you can't see my face any longer. Something like that:

After all, that's what friends are for right? To help each other learn and grow through this journey.

4) Not upholding limited viewership.

I am truly sorry for not privatizing my blog because "outsiders" may read it and misunderstand the complicated context of my posts.

My blog is like my diary and yes it should only be shown to the very few close friends and family in my life that truly love and understand me.

By not privatizing it, my blog is like a website where everyone can come in, read, comment, share and possibly tarnish people's reputation.

For that, I am very sorry. I am working on a new blog now which requires password access on wordpress and I am still in the midst of making it happen.

Justifications & questions:

Are blogs meant to be truth? Even affidavits submitted to the court of law are not truth and can be contested! You believe the newspaper and the sources around you more than me. Are those sources truth? Who are you to define truth in my posts anyway? For all the "errors" you have pointed out, I can show you how you have misinterpreted my words.

For whatever I've blogged so far, all the feedback I've been getting from my friends and online followers are 98% positive. They've dropped me comments and my friends have verbally encouraged me by telling me how they've benefited from my posts on God, faith and online followers have thanked me for sharing insights on school life, my braces journey, army life, travel trips, etc...

And out of all these I only remember 2 people not agreeing with some of my posts publicly. And now there's this bunch of new found friends also getting angry over this.

Seeing things on a net scale, privatizing my entire blog will only appease the handful of people that are narrow-mindedly contesting my posts and depriving many others from benefiting from the many anecdotes and experiences I've shared on my blog.

As such, I have decided not to privatize my blog. After all, not many people read my blog anyway. All these relational entanglement posts draw very little viewership compared to the other posts and thus, I will refrain from privatizing this blog.

If those controversial relationship posts start drawing massive viewership (of more than 200++ views), then I will privatize my blog to curb it's potential to become viral. As of now, the viewership is only a tiny fraction of what I define as "massive viewership", which is - compared to many other blogs and websites - NOT massive at all.

For the un-initiated in blogging, Google's blogger does not allow privatization or password access for a particular post - they only allow you to privatize the entire blog. This is a major limitation in using Blogger. I wonder why they don't include the option of password protecting certain posts like what Wordpress and LiveJournal offers.

So yup, I am not privatizing my entire blog history of 6 years for the minority few that cannot take my potent ruminations.

If my posts are that pestiferous in nature, sue me. I'd like to see how your lawyer can prosecute me. My posts are all a matter of opinion and does not tantamount to libel.

I will elaborate more in the section "Blogging Philosophy" as of now, these are my questions and justifications.

Conclusion:

Once again, I'm sorry for not privatizing my blog. The consequence of this could lead to people's reputation being tarnished but for the reasons mentioned above, I will not privatize it.

I am working on a private blog now. It'll take a lot of time because getting the layout, design and coding right really is time-consuming especially when I'm running late on my FYP and striving for my second-lower.

Yup, I'm sorry if my thoughts have hurt you. But these are my thoughts and they require an outlet. Please refrain from entering my mind of drama, exaggeration, logic and argumentation if you cannot handle the perspective of my eccentric mind.

Thanks for your understanding.

Should you think me still very self-righteous, or don't feel wrong enough, let me elaborate why. It's probably because we hold different definitions of blogging and communication.

In the next 2 sections I will elaborate on these. If you can show me how my definitions are wrong, I will definitely update my definition and philosophy stacks and you will see true sorry-ness flow out. As for now, these definitions are things you should consider before judging me.

Blogging Philosophy

When questioned and challenged, always fall back on definition. I am someone who always have my definition of things very clear (clearer than most people that is).

Before I give my definition of what a blog should be, let me give you the orthodox, accepted definition by Wikipedia and various dictionaries, lest you label me self-righteous for positing my own definition.

Wikipedia:

A blog (a truncation of the expression web log) is a discussion or informational site published on the world wide web and consisting of discrete entries ("posts") typically displayed in reverse chronological order (the most recent post appears first).

Dictionary.com:
A website containing a writer's or group of writers' own experiences, observations, opinions, etc., and often having images and links to other websites.

Merriam-Webster dictionary:
A website that contains an online personal journal with reflections, comments, and often hyperlinks provided by the writer.

My interpretation of what a blog is:

My blog is my diary, my written expression of my thoughts. I blog so that I can crystallize my thoughts, structure them and examine them in a systematic way that is store-able and share-able (to the few eskimos and rare friends interested in my thoughts) so that when I read it in 5 to 10 years time, I can smile and know how much I've grown through the vivid moments and thoughts captured at that point in time.

Keeping complicated trains of thought in my mind only clutters it up and does not allow me to think straight and thus blogging will allow me to express my ruminations step by step.

Thus, my blog is a place where the tap is turned on and my thoughts flow out and overflows into people's minds.

My blog - A tap, an outlet for my thoughts

If you noticed in the picture above, behind the tap there's a sign that says "DANGER HOT WATER". And indeed, my thoughts are flaming, boiling, HOT WATER.

If it doesn't inspire, it offends. If it doesn't make your smile grow wider, it'll make your frown go tighter. If it doesn't make you laugh wildly, it'll make you swear hysterically.

Should you get scalded by its thermal intensity, please stay away from the kitchen. This is who I am, what I think. I'm controversial. I'm not here to be mediocre or politically correct; life's too short for that.

As my blog is like a diary, it should be privatized if not it will be no different from a website. However, for reasons mentioned above in point 4 under the "My Mistakes" section, I have decided not to privatize it.

As a blog is usually a collection of anecdotes, opinions, experiences, observations, reflections, comments and personal thoughts, it is nowhere expected to be "truth". It is simply an expression of perception and never expected to be truth.

Nothing in this world is truth. Only God's Word is truth. As we examine different sets of information - textbooks, lecture notes, newspapers, online articles, etc. - to the best of our discretion, we then accept it as relatively true.

Same goes for you. Is what you're trying to tell me considered "truth"? No! It's also a matter of your perception of "truth", of which I am contesting now.

Therefore, getting angry with what I write is to get angry with what other people are thinking in their heads.

The thing is, how do you get angry with what people think in their heads unless they show or tell you?

And for me, I've been honest enough to give you the privilege of entering my thoughts and getting angry is, yes, expected.

But hey, do you ever stop to appreciate the fact that I bother to share what's going on inside me?

Do you know how vulnerable I am after revealing these thoughts to you? I trust that you can handle my thoughts and not use them against me - by sharing it maliciously or cutting me off altogether.

Do others ever share their thoughts such explicitly and detailed-ly with you? If they do, cherish them, for they trust you with their innermost convictions and road to their conclusion.

Ok, back to the structured way I want to present this post...

Accusation:

The issue at hand is my few friends are angry with me for blogging things that are untrue. They lay claim that I've smeared their reputation. Here's my response:

Response:

I am sorry if there are instances of ambiguous or inaccurate diction which could lead to a misguided interpretation. But the use of hyperbola is but my style of writing and for every wrong representation, I apologize.

To mollify your concerns and feelings of betrayal, I've already rectified my post and replaced those controversial terms with more pleasant ones that still bring my point across.

Following the definitions of what a blog is, there is LITTLE GROUND for them to be angry. A blog is a place to rant, to be real, to be honest - NOT a place to be politically correct or to be truthful in every perspective...which is what they expect.

As mentioned earlier, even affidavits filed in the court of law are truth only in a certain context and is subject to prosecution. Is my blog to be more than that?

I've also read up on the liability of bloggers to be sued in the court of law and my blog is relatively deep in the safe zone.

Legally speaking, "Minor inaccuracies are generally not subject to libel if the overall context of the statement is substantially true."

The statements pointed out by my friends will not even be entertained by the court of law because the overall context of the statements contested ARE SUBSTANTIALLY TRUE.

I even go the extra mile to justify why I use certain adjectives in some cases. Terms such as "lover" are ambiguous in nature and subject how the reader interprets it. Don't they both love each other? One of them really loves the other a lot and that is even expressed verbally and observed blatantly by the friends around us. Hence, isn't the term "lover" appropriate?

The accusation of me "smearing" people's reputation is also unfounded.

Did I share the link of that post on Facebook? Did I put this up in some discussion forum? Did I rant on social media about whatever has happened and ask everyone to take a dig?

None of the above.

I only posted this in my obscure little blog which only drew 8 views (before the viewership upsurge due to miss bff sharing it with her/our friends).

Once again, falling back on definition, it is but legitimate to blog thoughts.

I want to capture the moment of thought-flow, however erroneous. But I feel, compared to many other hate blogs and ranting blogs, mine is filled with thought and structure.

Hence, to accuse me of "smearing" is inappropriate unless I publish it big on social media, forums and discussion pages and attempt to get a huge army of readers.

To take it further, some people (leaders of organizations) even have established websites erected for the sole purpose of smearing their reputation.

Pastors of mega-churches, prominent speakers and leaders all have their fair share of hate blogs and websites put up to tear them down. Do they get angry? Probably. But they take things in stride because I believe they understand the definition of what a blog is.

So please, my puny little blog will do little harm and besides, it is not written with the intention to do harm in the first place.

Conclusion

I am sorry for the possible mis-truths that could've been propagated through my hyperbolic style of writing and I've already edited the contested terminology you've pointed out.

Yes, it's okay to get angry. I think I will get angry too if I happen to read things blogged about me that are utterly outlandish.

The thing is, my anger won't last long because such rubbish will 不攻自破 and I understand that the authors are writing in a moment of folly and exaggeration. We do things like that all the time.

In my conversations with you guys too, you all say things that you don't really mean. Exaggerate, joke and stretch the boundaries and we all just laugh about it. That's what friends are for right? To live the silly moments and enjoy the shared views together, however untrue.

So those moments shared together of laughing and berating other people are fine. Why? Because the affected party is uninformed. And the affected party is NOT one of us.

As to why you (the affected party) is informed, I will elaborate in the last section: Communication Principles.

So I hope you will check the grounds for your accusations and anger and see that I'm not "anyhow scolding people in my frustration".

This is a place of crystallized thought, questions and APOLOGY and not just plain old grandmother scolding.

Communication Principles

“A friend is a person with whom I may be sincere. Before him I may think aloud.” Emerson

If this is the definition of a friend, then probably I need to revisit our relationship. My blog is merely me THINKING ALOUD in all SINCERITY.

I let you into my thoughts and now here you are getting angry and judging me. I let you have the PRIVILEGE of knowing what I'm thinking and this is what I get?

Detectives would've wished all killers and psychopaths are like me - honestly blogging their thoughts out - so that they can arrest them before they commit a crime.

But here I am blogging what I think and I am not even appreciated for my honesty. Some people keep poisonous, festering thoughts to themselves and never say it. They hide it behind their smile and poker faces. But here I am keeping things real and honest and this is the payment I receive? Fantastic.

I've seen mothers, wives and friends discuss their husbands, children and relationship problems and in tears and heavy emotion, they describe their spouses and children as "demons", "devils", "pigs", "useless", "hopeless", etc...

Question is, DO THEY STILL LOVE? YES. Those were merely MOMENTS OF POURING OUT. Were those emotional expressions considered "truth"? NO. Far from it. Far from my posts. In the end, do they still love? Does their relationship still stand? YES and YES.

The only difference is when they pour out, they don't share it with the person they're holding these feelings against, unlike stupid me.

So why do I do what I do?

Letting you read my thoughts after I've got them structured is better than verbally spilling my messy thoughts all over your face right? It'd be at least 2 times worse than what you read.

Therefore, sharing my thoughts - in blog form - with you is but one form of COMMUNICATION.

I believe that when I share my thoughts with you, then you will know where I am coming from, so you can better understand me and love me better.

But apparently, this is not the case. So shall I withdraw my honest thoughts from you all from now on?

Yes, I've abode by my communication principle of letting you into my thoughts - via cards, blogs, if not face-to-face. I will always make the effort to establish communication because it is vital to every relationship.

This is in contrast to the communication principle they've been portraying. Drawing from their open-ended, fruitless questions:

"You ask yourself why we like that lo", "Did you even think is we cannot answer or CAN'T BE BOTHERED to answer? Cos we simply know your reaction too."

For the record, I've seen a few of my good friends break up with their best friends over stuff like these. Their best friends just simply gave them this ultimatum "You ask yourself why I'm like that" and broke off all communication.

My poor friend will then have to re-trace everything and try to figure out what went wrong. He/she had to be the bigger person to fall on his/her knees and start searching for the footprints that went off the path.

Mentioned earlier, if two people are intent on solving a problem like this, it can be easily solved by PROPER COMMUNICATION and LOGICAL TRACING.

It was always group effort of building and rectifying problems together in the fundamental understanding that in life, it's about GROWING through things and NOT GOING through things.

All I see in their communication-less rhetoric can be summed up with this analogy:

A son once had this stubborn Chinese mother who refused to accept western medicine. After she survived several strokes and was saved by the "western" doctors, she still refused to believe and accept the doctor's prescription and medication. The son was really pissed that she is just refuting everything the doctors have to recommend. She sternly continues to believe in her Chinese medicine and herbs. 

One day, she suffered a heart attack. She was on the brink of death and the son was there, able to call A&E and save her life like how he did in the previous strokes.
However, this time, the son just left her there, lying on the ground, helpless as the heart attack took her breath away. 

The son was thinking "If I bring her to A&E, she's also going to reject the doctor's help anyway. So what's the use in rescuing her? She can jolly-well think for herself and understand why I did what I did." 

With that thought pattern, his mother passed away.

Was the son correct in doing what he did? He had good reasons to leave her there since she will stubbornly reject the doctor's advice again.

But no, whether the son's mother rejected the doctor's help or not is immaterial because it's the son's responsibility (or anyone's responsibility for that matter) to save a dying life.

Whether or not she will accept the doctor's help is not in the question! The issue at hand is to bring her to the hospital!

In this analogy, I am the pathetic mother and she and her panel of partisans are the son.

To them, communicating with me is useless because I will continue to stubbornly believe in my "Chinese medicine". So there they are, standing one side with arms folded and telling me "You ask yourself why we withdraw from you lo", "You ask yourself why we like that lo" all the while refusing proper communication.

Whether I budge or not in my stand toward what they have to say is immaterial, what matters is they communicate what they have to say amicably.

The act of bringing the mum to the hospital can be allegorized as COMMUNICATION.

Whether I take in what you have to say or not is immaterial, your responsibility as a friend is to tell me what you think is right.

Folded arms and nonchalant rhetoric is not gonna benefit anyone or solve anything. And this is precisely what they're doing.

Is the act of communicating that hard? If I "void" all your perspectives, doesn't it mean that I AM TAKING TIME TO CONSIDER THEM AND "VOIDING" THEM?

I'm not like that Chinese mother who simply "voided" the "western" medicine without thought - I'm here, breaking down and analyzing your thoughts and seeing the truth and untruths in them.

Nonetheless, all I have to say is, as peoples, leaders, our responsibility is to stand and be a voice for what we believe in whether we are heard or not.

William Wilberforce stood against slave trade for 20 over years. BUT, slavery was never abolished in his lifetime. Only after he died - a month later - then were there laws passed and the slaves emancipated.

Not just him, but many other leaders in history have stood for what they believe in, even to the point of death. And sometimes, the change never did come.

My point is, instead of being that pathetic son who resorted to "See what your logic has caused you!" or "He's not gonna listen anyway" and did nothing, be that William Wilberforce and countless other leaders who spoke for what they believed in, IN SPITE OF whether they were heard or not.

Your responsibility here is not to care whether you're heard or not, your responsibility is to speak, TO COMMUNICATE what you think is true.

So to tell me "You figure out why we are treating you like that lor" is to breach this communication principle which I hold fast to.

In case your memory fails you, I've already considered the reasons why you guys would've resorted to this hands-off approach (mentioned above). It's due to my "Self-righteous tone" and "Storm-bringer" tendencies mentioned in the "My Mistakes" section earlier.

So I really do understand why you are doing that. I do have a part to play in your response toward me as well...DUH.

But the other half of the story is this - are you just gonna be that son? Or be William Wilberforce?

The other reason for not communicating is probably due to the "distance" concept.

To distance from a person to give that person space to think, breathe and consider - which I also believe in and which I'm exercising in a few of my relationships.

The thing is, the "distance" thing only works if it is first COMMUNICATED to the person by telling him/her "Hey, I think it's best that we distance for now so that we can have some breathing space to think things through. Because being with you is not helping. It's just, frustrating and entangling and I can't think properly when you're here."

So when this is communicated, the other person can accept it and from there exercise the concept of "distance" too.

For my case however, no such arrangements were made. There was just a sudden, cold withdrawal of friends or rather, Xuan-partisans without prior information. This is more a "hurting" concept than a "distance" concept.

Imagine your father suddenly walk out on the family without explanation. What'd be the thoughts running through your head?

If your father walked out on the family BUT LEFT A NOTE saying "I just need a break from you guys to clear my head over ___ things and issues. I'll be back soon." or something like that, it wouldn't be as hurting.

So ensuring that the "distance" concept is put into play is vital to making it work. If not, it'll just be an irresponsible walk out.

And yes, I must learn to be more patient too in the way you guys choose to do things. You're probably planning to meet me or clarify things properly or something.

But yeah, for now, I'll ask what I need to ask, say what I need to say and remain true to myself and honest to you.

Remember that questions and justifications does not nullify the apology or the course of action that I will be taking.

Conclusion

I am sorry for causing you guys to treat me like that. I guess I am not that easy a person to communicate with either. But really, all those "voiding" moments are my attempts to make sense of what you have to tell me.

难道 I have to accept everything you have to say to me without question? That's not gonna work either. Then I'll just be blindly swallowing your conclusions unchecked.

This whole time, I've stayed true to my communication principles if not verbally but in form of writing. I hope you see that. If you feel I really did not, then please show me where I have erred.

I hope I've made clear these things:

1) My apology
2) My questions
3) My justifications

These are all a package deal. You can't just take one without the other. I've to stay true to myself. I can't just say "sorry" and disregard all the questions I have.

So I hope you can digest this all properly. It took me days to write and in order for you to not take my post the wrong way, I suggest you read it again and again because I took pains to make clear many things.

It's normal to miss things when we read. That's why we can read our textbooks a thousand times and still not score full marks in the exam.

Yup, you've seen my conclusion in my previous post and that conclusion still stands.

I also hope you took the time to listen to those 2 songs which I shared in my previous post. Because that's what He's been dropping in me.

Lastly, after all these, what I am going to do is not to harp on these, but to extend my hand of apology and reconciliation.

I actually already did, many times, but thanks to your reaction to my thoughts, the apology was intercepted.

Nevertheless, I will apologize again and I will re-affirm my love for you guys.

Ultimately, we're all humans, we sin, we err, we all need God and His love to lubricate and straighten out our crooked ways.

All I want to do now is apologize, love and move on. Things may never be the same after this, but I hope we'll continue learning how to love and handle such situations amicably.

The fault was never 100% mine and never 100% yours. If we can come to a place of reconciliation and change, that'll be the day we've outgrown ourselves.

And I'll definitely be heading that direction.

In case you ever forget, I love you. I know it's been said a million times. But I'll never grow tired of saying this because we all need this so much - love.

For all we've shared and experienced together, I'll always love you. I can't undo my love for you all already. You all have a special place in my heart. You're all too dear not to love already.

You can become the most sinister criminal or even the Anti-Christ but you know what? I'll always love you. I may oppose your cause or distance from you or stay away from you, but there's one thing that won't change - our history.

And for our past, our love will stand. If they sound like empty words to you, test them.

I hope after all these you'll see the consistency of my love and principles. That I did not falter for the things that really matter.

Lemme end of with this verse of Scripture:

"Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins."

1 Peter 4:8

Closing thoughts for 2013

2013 was indeed the most amazing year yet. The highlight was my 6 month exchange programme in Shanghai which has a monument erected in my soul that every time I look back at 2013, this sculpture will remind me of the beautiful moments and the beastly occasions that happened.

The 1st 6 months was a time of love and building and the following was a time of shaking and tearing down; out of which many lessons can be drawn - mainly about relationship foundations, definitions and ideals.

And for every relationship that was strained, God was good. He provided me with new friends to love me and strengthen me and to see me through each disappointment.

I've come to experience firsthand (not just head knowledge) that in different seasons, God has different agendas and God will send different people into your life to impact you and for you to impact. No one is indispensable.

New seasons, new lovers. New chapter, new confidantes. New page, new pals. New phase, new agenda. God is always on the move. You just gotta keep up with Him and not waste your energy on people and things that He did not call you to change or interfere with. It'll only drain you and waste your life away.

To those whose hearts are closed, you can do nothing but pray and at most mourn for their breach of relational ideals and falling for easy fallacies.

Let me ruminate upon some of these un-closed issues. After bringing these issues to discuss with many of my friends - who are of sound mind, balanced discernment and experienced in these areas - here's my mental path to the conclusion.

1) The storyteller-liar saga

Background:
Miss bff's heard things I've been saying about us from several reliable sources and they all are twisted tales of what happened between us.

Enraged, she confronted me (with the conclusion that I was a liar) about some of these lies she's been hearing from her trusted sources.

She simply told me what she heard, blamed me for it and refused to tell me who she heard it from.

Yes, I told her the sources to trust and those seemingly "trustable" sources also misrepresented me. Well, many things get lost in translation and sometimes people just remember things wrongly or they may have took my exaggerations and jokes as truth erroneously.

Thus, in such intricate communication patterns, it all boils down to trust and I believe if 2 people are intent on solving a problem like this, it can be easily solved by PROPER COMMUNICATION and LOGICAL TRACING.

Before I elaborate, lemme give you the background of the background.

Background OF the background:
Before returning to Singapore, I knew this would happen - people would be asking about us. How honest should I be? How much of the story do I share? It's an amazing story of God's hand which I want to share to inspire people.

In my foresight, I brought this to discussion with her and asked her what do we plan to tell people when asked. So that we can give a coherent answer that does not misrepresent us. To which she replied "Just share lor. I trust you."

Yup. If you want the background OF the background OF this background, it's all written in another blog that is still in progress. Complete with pictures, screenshots and relationship history. It's an attempt to pen down all that has happened because this is the most amazing story yet...Written in storybook, 3rd person style.

Her course of action:
Believe WHOLESALE what she's been hearing (granted due to corroboration of sources) and discussing it amongst her group of exclusive confidantes instead of honestly and open-mindedly bringing this to the discussion table between the 2 affected protagonists - US.

From there, she's been showing bouts of emotional rampages through our conversations:
- Scolding me on behalf of her good friend (screenshots available) without understanding the context of the situation. She simply became a gangster brandishing every blunt word in her non-vulgar vocabulary available.

All I saw was raging bull (a female one...a cow would be too gentle. LOL) with many unsettled scores, disorganized thoughts and buried grudges. Oh, the lost art of proper thought pattern and conduct. I am saddened that all that's left is just her heart, not her mind.

- Telling me it's all over, that she's been poisoned, blinded, cheated, etc...Well, indeed she is. After returning here.

To me, she's only seeing things in light of the present. When I look at our relationship, I see it in light of the past, present and future.

For whatever we've shared, built, laughed, cried, fought and loved each other for was the foundation of our relationship. The past is enough to buffer the hurts in the present. After all, the present was simply a bunch of rumours.

I look at the present and I'm utterly pissed, disappointed and frustrated at her childish display of emotions without thought. But looking at things ON A NET SCALE, I still know she loves me a lot and still more good than harm was done. (If you want to go into details, I can. Screenshots available - hundreds of them).

Looking at our future - in light of the future, all these things simply grey into oblivion. 5 to 10 to 20 years time, we'll all be laughing at these stories and reminiscing the moments of love and hurt and tears that we shared. On our deathbed, all these won't matter! These are just temporary tests that are here to grow us into stronger people.

But, she reacted really badly to these tests and all I can do is watch as she plays out her mixture of emotions, insecurity and erroneous thought pattern and shaky foundations of her erroneous definition of love, trust and self-control.

- Sarcastically berating me for being exclusive in planning an event or delegating it irresponsibly.

When I showed my friends what she said. They were simply amused. Firstly, in her negative lenses she saw the request to plan something together as an "arrow" to get her to plan something for all of us while we sat back and watched the show.

This was entirely amusing because she did not read my message properly. Every other person that I asked replied amicably and understood the context of my message EXCEPT HER.

She still sent me a "rolls eyes" and I was telling my friends "Yeah, it's because she was rolling her eyes that's why she didn't read my message properly and reacted in a childish way that totally showed she was rolling her eyes while reading the words in my message." Haha.

Every friend agreed - from my other best girl friends to my guy friends. But one of my best friends - a girl - said "Aiya, we're girls after all what. And I've seen worst girls than her ok? Some of my girl friends over react even more than her and resort to even more outlandish reactions."

Granted. That perspective was legit but still, such bouts of frivolous emotional outbursts were unprecedented till now and I'm not ready to put up with a kid.

Secondly the event she just planned was also exclusively planned with 3 people in her planning committee! Do I give her the same sarcastic reply and berate her for being exclusive? OF COURSE NOT. Every event requires a core team of people planning and in her emotional bulldozing she failed to see this blatant fact.

It's really for me to do the *ROLLS EYES* thing.

My thought pattern
The following train of thought I already made clear to her in my many cards to her. Upon further discussion with my friends, I asked them to correct me and spot any errors in my thought pattern and logic and sadly, they all agreed with me.

1) The whole saga was based on one word - trust. Fine, if you don't trust me, what's the next step to take to resolve this issue?

Bring it to the discussion table with an open mind. But no she couldn't. Lemme give you an analogy.

Let's say news reports allege that I'm a murderer - let's say I killed my bff (it's actually a discovery science channel programme. LOL).

What will be the first course of action my parents or best friends will take?

Will they straight away come and condemn me "JONAVAN YOU MURDERER!!! LOOK AT THE NEWS!!!"

Nope they won't.

They trust me ENOUGH NOT TO believe the news report and they'll instead come to me and asked "WHAT HAPPENED?" in all open-mindedness.

The same goes for me if any of my best friends get caught in a web of consistent rumours and false reports. I'll give them the benefit of the doubt and ask them "What happened man? I'm here for you".

My dear bff was the exact opposite - she immediately believed the "murder reports" and came and condemn me. So much for the title "bff" eh?

Fine, she's also the affected party. Well now we're both affected parties. So what should we do? Stick to our cliques and let those fallacious thoughts fester? NO. We should sit down and resolve the issue together.

THIS IS PRECISELY WHAT SHE IS NOT DOING.

What can I do? What can I initiate when her mind's made up? When she has her arsenal of friends or loyal partisans to support her specious logic? Partisans because they exhibit a strong sense of biased allegiance over proper thought and communication. Instead of being fair umpires to myself and her, they've become a social faction which favours its founder.

Even after I casually chat-ed with 1 of them and that friend couldn't answer my questions, that friend still continued to sway on her side - hence the unequivocal term used here...and many others who had formed judgments without communicating it with me.

The saddening part is, all her friends are my friends too. Some are even considered GOOD friends. But hey, they're "GOOD" enough to just have discussions amongst themselves against me and they think they have all the pieces put together, a concrete case against me. Bravo them.

No case is sealed until a proper discussion or "courtroom" procedure is made - with both parties present in the discussion and definitely, I will be defendant since she is the "victim".

The thing is, I have my own group of thinking friends that have tested my logic and agree with me.

And I've written scores of cards to her regarding this WITHOUT any reply from her. Granted. You can live with the "truth" you think you possess.

Ok fine, I think I'm being too righteous here. LET'S SAY, I really did lie. I really did misrepresent us (for whatever gain I can benefit from the lies).

The question is: For all we've shared and built together, you are giving all this up over this issue?! Is our love that shallow?

What happened to all those words of affirmation? What happened to the cards you wrote me, the messages and stickers you sent me? The tears, the songs, the dates, the conversations, the building of our relationship we've been building?

You're telling me all those were lies? Were built on fallacies? If you were to examine each and every instance of my confession to you, none of them were lies. All were built on truth. The only thing is some were executed in selfishness and stretched truth - ALL WHICH I HAVE ADMITTED AND APOLOGIZED FOR.

So this what our relationship is worth? This is saddening.

As for our mutual friends supporting her, no word of them with me. No attempt to reconcile us together. It seems they believe her and her aides WHOLESALE. I have tons of screenshots and photos to tell the story. What makes them think that she and her club members do not have contextual and biased interpretation of any situation against me?

But to them, I'm a sold-out liar.

Kudos to them too. I think I've misplaced my show of love on them. Same goes for them. For all we've shared, grown, laughed and matured together as friends, this is the trust you're giving me? Not even telling me the conclusions you're making behind my back with just the one-sided information you're hearing?

Basically, they trust a new-found friend over me. That's heart-wrenching and something I'll never do to any of my GOOD friends. The least I'd do is COMMUNICATE - even with my normal friends. And that's been shown in all my relationships with people.

So yes, keep holding hands as the whole bunch of you enjoy your new found sweet friendship founded on this "truth" of a common enemy.

I experienced this sweet friendship with them too. But situations like these really test the character and beliefs of the person. When things are going smooth with a common enemy, of course it's merry. But wait till it's your turn to get the taste of prejudiced biased-ness and broken trust.

As much as I'm really sad that it has all broken down to these, I'm also glad because I now see how unreliable they really are as friends. I really hope they grow and learn how to be better friends and properly embody the definition of "love".

This is my logical and systematic expectation. None of my good Christian friends could disagree with my pointers...And the thing is, THEY THEMSELVES HAVE BEEN THROUGH THESE. They wear the scars of misplaced trust and empty words.

However, my friends also gave me an alternate view and God also spoke to me regarding this:

Now that you've pointed out all the areas that she's err-ed and the things she did not do, what next? Is this all you're gonna do Jonavan?

One of my insightful best girl friends told me "I totally understand and agree with you Jonavan. BUT, the thing is, we're Christians right? And we're supposed to be the BIGGER PERSON to go and apologize and make right even though it's not our fault and even though we've tons of reasons why we don't need to."

And it's true. I've SOWN SO MUCH INTO OUR RELATIONSHIP (including the ones supporting her). The entire relationship was 80% my initiation and 80% her reciprocation for 6 months! My time limit of giving is around 3 months+ then it gets tiring.

Fine, that's because I treat her (and most of them) as a best friend and that's what we are supposed to be after all. And hey, what we have become wasn't just me. It's a consensual thing. ALL relationships are consensual.

So yeah, that's the thing God's been speaking to me about too. TO LOVE WITH A BROKEN HEART.

Jesus loved us even when we were still deliberately sinning against Him! It hurt Him deeply and many times He just wanted to wipe us all out but no, HE LOVED and HE KEPT LOVING.

This is the HARDEST lesson He's teaching me now. To be the bigger person. To extend that hand of reconciliation, to say "I'm sorry. Forgive me?" even though we DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG (of which I did and have apologized).

If that's what'll solve the problem, if a little release of pride can mend it, will you choose to be the bigger person to do it?

So yes, I've tons of argumentation and logic and sound friends that are morally supporting me. I'll definitely win the argument as we begin to dig our history and examine the evidences that caused this divide - none of her friends (which are my good friends too, disappointingly) will be able to answer my string of questions.

BUT, IS THAT THE POINT? Is that what you wanna hold onto Jonavan? Are you that small a person? Will you be that little Jesus who had His life unjustly snatched away from Him for telling the truth that He is the Messiah? Will this lil' sacrifice of pride, logic and ideals kill you?

NO, IT WON'T KILL ME.

So yes I've logically derived at this conclusion. But I've yet to relation-ally execute this mental conclusion.

The same goes for story number 2 and number 3:

2) The GAN saga
3) The CS saga

All these relationship breakdowns are built on communication breakdown and failure to communicate expectations. All revolve around the issue of HONESTY, TRUST AND COMMUNICATION.

NONE OF THEM think me important enough to sit down and really trash things out.

I was never worthy enough for keeps. I'm only worth this little that they'll give me up over blurry rumours and mis-communications.

It makes me wonder if they're worthy of my keeping too. My other best friends of 7-10 years and all would not handle things this way. Definitely. Because we grew up together and we worked and built the church together. We loved each other. They know me and love me and will stand by me even if I became a heinous criminal. At best, THEY'D HAVE COMMUNICATED WITH ME.

As for these new breed of "best" friends, I just somehow think they're not worth my quality of love. None of them have matched my extravagant show of love - in cards, in words, in encouragements, in being there for them, in loving them, in advising them, laughing with them, crying with them, etc...

They all simply RECIPROCATED. Yes, they loved me a lot because I was loving them a lot. When I stop loving. They too stopped loving.

I was always the initiator, the source, the battery in the relationship. When I'm flat, the relationship goes flat too.

BUT THE SAME PRINCIPLE APPLIES.

JONAVAN! WILL YOU BE THE BIGGER MAN? WILL YOU CONTINUE TO SHOW THEM THE TRUE DEFINITION OF LOVE?

"Yes, they'll never be able to match your consistent show of love (for now) because they're all works in progress! They're learning and growing! That's why I put you in their lives to show them WHAT LOVE IS!"

"Jonavan, can you love with a broken heart like I did?" whispers that still small voice within.

I will Lord.

I have yet to muster the courage and humility to do that because there's just so much I want them to see. They don't think as much as I do and break things down like I do and communicate it so cogently like I do...BUT SO WHAT?

DOESN'T LOVE ESTEEM OTHERS ABOVE YOURSELF AND LOOK BEYOND THEIR FLAWS? Will you be that living definition of "love"???

Y-E-S. Change me Lord.

This is my cry. I'm imperfect, I'm learning and growing too, like each and every one of them. I'm just ahead of them in this journey of growth because I've walked at least 10 years longer in the faith and experienced 10x more than what they have got yet.

Will I be that elder brother? Be that leader, that bigger man?

Yup, much has been said. I already know what I'm going to say to them. I just haven't arranged meetings with them. p/s: It has to be me again.

So, Lord Jesus, I pray you season my words with Your love and open their hearts to receive the message of love and reconciliation and may you open their eyes to see that we love because You first loved us.

May we enter your kingdom as lovers not fighters. I love You Jesus. Grant me love, wisdom and strength to articulate whatever you have spoken to me all this while. Let me be a shadow of who are; a small reflection of a greater love.

These 2 songs are how God has been speaking to me: Do give them a listen - they're life-changing.

Show Me How To Love
By Sidewalk Prophets



We Need Each Other
By Sanctus Real

Brother Samuel

1st blog post in 2014 goes to this man whose story has greatly impacted, inspired and reminded me that we serve a living God that is very much involved in our lives supernaturally on a regular basis.

I've read books like "The Heavenly Man", "Even Greater" by Reinhard Bonke and many other great men of God who experienced God's supernatural, miraculous intervention in their lives.

Today was different. I didn't read about him. I met him, conversed with him, put my arms around him, took a picture with him and heard his story.

At first sight, he seemed like any other ordinary foreigner in Singapore working at some blue-collar job, eking out a living here.

He wasn't tall or extremely gorgeous. Neither did he possess a really attractive and charismatic aura (he did smell good though...his perfume smell was really strong. LOL). Here's who I'm trying to describe.

Brother Samuel :)

His outward appearance will totally make you underestimate the giant within. And not just underestimate with-in, but also not expect with-out.

His identity will shock you as it did me. And after hearing his story, shock turns into awe. His testimony is too good not to share and too titillating to not pen down.

This man is the son of the Vice-President of the ruling Yemen political party - General People's Congress. Yes, he comes from one of the most cataclysmic regions of the world - the Middle East.

If you're wondering "Yeah right, which Middle Eastern has a Biblical name 'Samuel'?" then your skepticism has led you the right way.

Lemme try to recall and pen his mind-blowing testimonies. Every word inked here henceforth is a recollection attempt of whatever he shared. Do read till the last part because the stories only get more and more exciting. If you can't bear reading too many words, do start from the back. Haha.

~~~~~~~

Samuel was brought up in an Islamic household. His family was filthy rich. The car he rides in has to be of the same colour of his shirt. Let that sink in awhile...the colour of the car he rides in has to match his shirt colour!!

Yes, he has more than 40 over cars! His home, or rather, palace, has 6 floors! Luxurious was an understatement!

However, all these materialistic provisions didn't abate his spiritual hunger. He was growing up and learning about Islam and had questions.

He learned that according to the Islamic law, a man could have up to 4 wives. However, Prophet Muhammad had more than 12 wives!

Samuel's logic went "So why didn't the law apply to Prophet Muhammad? He was a mortal man like any other Muslim. He lived, he died and should be subject to the law! What more he was a PROPHET! He should be living out the laws religiously and showing other Muslims how to live it out instead of breaking it."

Puzzled, he went to ask his father. Upon hearing his question, his father flew into a rage and took a knife and chopped his left hand - near to his small finger - and his father infuriatingly warned him not to ask any more questions.

This hurt him deeply. He thought "How could Islam turn my dad against me physically? Instead of addressing the doubts, he lambasted the logic. If this is what Islam teaches, I would not want any part of it."

However, relationship with his dad wasn't strained that badly - as long as religious questions were not mentioned. They were still very close to each other.

From that experience, he figured that the Muslim god was not acceptable and went on his search for the one true God.

While growing up, Samuel had very little friends. Because the bodyguards won't let any kid near him. The only kids allowed to play with him were his neighbours' kids.

His neighbours were from England and they were either diplomats or ambassadors in Yemen and so his parents figured that not much harm could be done by interacting with them.

So every day after school, after washing up and eating at home, he'd go over to their place and play with their kids and watch TV, etc...

In his interaction with them, he felt something was missing in his own family. He then went to tell his dad that he felt something was missing.

The dad asked "What's different? We're much richer than them! Love? We do love each other as a family and we spend time together. Happy? Aren't we happy as a family?"

Samuel agreed to whatever his father mentioned but added 2 more points "They did not live in fear like us with security guards controlling everything and they prayed a lot everyday." The father then figured that they were Christians and reminded Samuel that all Christians are liars, bent on killing all Muslims.

The next thing Samuel knew, that English family were moved away. He was lonely and friendless again.

Yes, in the middle east, all the children are taught from young that all Christians are:
1) Liars
2) Bent on killing all Muslims
3) Therefore they support Israel in occupying their land and wanting them exterminated

Therefore Christianity wasn't an option. In fact, he very much wanted to meet a Christian and ask them why they were so bent on killing Muslims.

With his search for God still ongoing, he then tuned into radio to hear about other faiths and he found this radio station that had this guy preach about this God called "Jesus" in Arabic.

This Arabic preacher would read stories from the Old Testament and New Testament and talk about this God called "Jesus".

Samuel was captivated. Could this Jesus be the real God he was searching for? Samuel didn't know Jesus was the Christian God. Yes he was indoctrinated by the 3 poisonous lies every Middle Eastern kid is imbued with about Christianity but not against Jesus.

This preacher after each podcast would give his address and told his listeners "If you want a copy of the Bible, you could write me and I will mail it to you."

One day, Samuel wrote to that preacher and he mailed him a Bible. In those days, the Bible was very thick, like the Qur'an. The Arabic Bible also looked exactly like a Qur'an with beautiful Arabic wordings on the cover embedded in gold ink.

The thing about Qur'an delivery is - It's considered to be a sacred book and IS NEVER SENT BY POST. It is ALWAYS DELIVERED BY HAND. To send it by post is to dishonour the holy book.

When Qur'ans are imported or exported, they're packed very nicely in containers and the containers carrying the Qur'an CANNOT BE PLACED BELOW ANY OTHER CONTAINER. That would also be a dishonourable act.

That is how sacred the Qur'an is! Thus this method of delivery was unacceptable.

As such, the post office staff proceeded to open the parcel and to their further horror, they discovered it was A BIBLE!

One day, while having dinner together as a family, the dad's PA or staff alerted him that there were several secret police waiting outside to see him.

The first thought that came to their minds was "Something has happened to the president. Maybe he died and required his dad to take over. Or some political situation has went out of hand they needed to go into hiding...etc..."

The thing about his dad is, after office hours, he doesn't allow anyone to contact him about his work unless it's an emergency. After work, it's strictly family time. Thus, a visit from the secret police would mean an emergency.

Samuel then went out with his dad to see what the issue was about. And there the policemen handed him the Bible and said "Do you know someone is trying to get you killed? Someone mailed you a BIBLE! Thankfully the post office staff intervened and report the matter to us first. If this matter had leaked, you would be in serious trouble!"

His dad was enraged and said that the person who mailed this to him should be killed and chopped to many pieces.

Right there, Samuel was in cold sweat as he looked at the Bible that he had requested. He feared for his life and never did that again.

From there, Samuel figured that since Islam was the only faith available for him, he should study it. Maybe upon studying it more in-depth then he'll discover God.

However, upon more studying, more doubts just came in and the Mullahs will vehemently warn him not to ask any more questions.

He then gave up trying to find God and focused on his job. He worked in the secret police force that serves to protect the President and his aides.

The secret police force would get firsthand information updates about what's going on in the country and he'd be one of them receiving the updates.

One day, news came in that vaccines for newborn kids coming in from overseas required special fridges to store it at around -10 degrees celsius.

The hospitals in their rich town had such facilities to store the vaccines properly. However, the hospitals in the rural cities and towns did not have the proper amenities to store the vaccines and thus the vaccines would expire/spoil in those hospitals.

However, the vaccines were still administered, resulting in the deaths of nearly 3000+ babies!

The people there were very simple minded. Upon discovery that their kid died from some medical complication, they'd just go "Oh, it is Allah's will that my child has died."

This irked Samuel even further "How could all these religious Muslims do that? How could they just attribute it all to Allah?"

He then brought this issue up to the President and challenged him. This enraged the Yemeni President and he wanted Samuel dead.

Samuel had no choice but to escape to Sweden as a refugee. This was the beginning of his journey to Christianity.

Upon arrival in Sweden, there was a street evangelist who wanted to talk to him about God. And all Samuel wanted to speak to was to a Christian so he could ask why were they so bent to killing all Muslims.

To his surprise, that street evangelist claimed to be a Christian and handed him a pamphlet on the faith in Arabic. He was excited and wanted to read and study it to prove Christianity wrong and evil.

After reading this pamphlet, he was sure he didn't want the Christian faith. All that the pamphlet portrayed was death and destruction. The pamphlet however, was a pamphlet from the JEHOVAH WITNESSES - a cult. Hence the erroneous message.

He was still searching for God. Just that now, he was not only poor spiritually, he was also poor physically and financially because he has been banished from his homeland.

To him, that was the end. He wanted to take his life. He went to the internet to find ways of committing suicide and settled for eating rat poison.

So he told God "By tomorrow morning if you don't show yourself to me, I'll go to the mart buy rat poison and take my life." He had nothing to lose.

But God had a plan. While sleeping, God revealed Himself to Samuel in a dream. He saw God sitting on a big chair and his face was light - mesmerizing light that he was drawn to. God then told him "I am Jesus" and renamed him "Samuel" in his dream. Thus, he calls himself Samuel now.

Then God showed Samuel this old woman and told him her name and instructed him to find her because she was His daughter and would tell him more about Jesus.

Samuel awoke and went about trying to find this woman. He searched for days but couldn't find her and just when doubt settled in and he wanted to go back to his plan of taking his life, HE SAW HER and he followed her all the way back to her office.

There at her office, he confirmed her identity and told her to tell him more about Jesus. She refused because it was late and told him to come back next week because it was the weekends.

He refused and told her the story of how Jesus showed her who she was. The woman then cried and relented. She was actually a pastor of a church in Sweden.

She then taught him about Jesus for 8 months and he brought his other Muslim apartment friend with him and they were all saved.

God then told Samuel: You will stay in Sweden and no one will harm you here.

Right after this, his time in Sweden was up and had to be deported back to Yemen. In Sweden, they will give you 2 weeks notice by mail before they send police officers to facilitate your exit. And usually upon receiving this letter, all the refugees will flee and change addresses.

Samuel however, knew that if God wanted him to stay in Sweden, God'll make it happen; there's no need to flee. Isn't God greater than the authorities?

The first time he went back to the immigration centre to be extradited, the top police officer was too sick to sign the documentation for him to be deported back to Yemen. Thus, they told him to come back 2 weeks later.

2 weeks later, he went back and the authorities were totally surprised and asked him "Why didn't you run away? Go! Run away! You are a good man."

However, he did not for he believed if it was really God, he did not have to do things illegally. This time, his papers were signed BUT the airport was closed due to the heavy snow and he thus couldn't be flown back to Yemen. He was thus given ANOTHER 2 weeks of stay.

He reported back the 3rd time and this time, he was handcuffed and escorted by 2 police officers onto the plane. His faith was then shaken and he cried uncontrollably as he thought "Did God forget His promise to me to stay in Sweden?"

The police officers then consoled him for they knew that once he went back, he'd be dead. One of them even gave him his number saying "If you don't die, you can contact me for help."

Just as the plane was about to leave for Yemen, one of the plane engines went down and the flight was cancelled! Samuel then fell to his knees and thanked God profusely.

He was then asked to report in ANOTHER 2 WEEKS TIME.

The 4th and last time he went back, he was called to the top police officer's office. The top police officer asked him "How do you do this? Magic? The 1st time I had a terrible diarrhea and stomach flu that I HAD TO SLEEP IN THE TOILET! The 2nd time the airport had to close due to weather condition. The 3rd time the plane engine malfunctioned! Who knows what'll happen on your 4th try?"

After much conversation, he was granted PR status in Sweden by the top police officer or immigration officer or whatever. God is amazing!

The next out-of-this-world testimony was this: One night, God spoke to Samuel in a dream to share Christ to this drug-dealer who was working as a cleaner in this place.

Samuel was lazy and tried to make things difficult for God. He told God that if 150 krona was to be mailed to his mailbox to cover his train fees to and fro by 9am, he would go.

He then told his friend about this impending miracle that awaited. His friend then drove over to his place and they both kept vigil by the post box to see who'd God use to mail the 150 Swedish Krona to him miraculously.

They waited and they kept their eyes on the mailbox throughout till 9am AND NO ONE CAME! His friend was then pretty upset with God's performance and so was Samuel.

They both agreed to open the mailbox before he left. So they both went to mailbox and hesitated opening the mailbox. Samuel's faith was shaking! If he opened and discovered an empty mailbox, he would walk away from the faith!

However, upon opening the mailbox, they both found an envelope in the mailbox! On the envelope was Samuel's name written in gold and inside contained EXACTLY 150 SWEDISH KRONORS!!

His friend fell on his knees right at that moment and he was saved! He then travelled to share the gospel with that man and he too was saved!

Up till this day, he still keeps this envelope in the bank's safe deposit slot because his name was handwritten by God on the envelope in gold!

Every week, he'd go and take a look at the envelope at least once at that particular timeslot in the afternoon to just remind him of God's amazing hand in his life.

One day, the bank's deposit counter staff, a 25 year old young man asked him "What is in your deposit box? People come and deposit things here and don't come back for it after 4-5 years but you come back here almost everyday!"

From there, Samuel shared with him the story behind it and let the young man touch the envelope. Upon physical contact, it was as if electric current flowed through his body and his hands were thrown into convulsions.

The 25 year old young man was scared to death and concluded that Samuel was evil. The next time Samuel came to view his deposit, that young man would avoid him and walk away.

It wasn't until several weeks later that young man came to him again and pleaded with him to tell him more about Jesus because ever since he touched that envelope, there has been this voice telling him "I am Jesus".

WOW. From there, this man is saved and is now doing a great work for His kingdom!

If you think this is the best story, the next 2 will blow your mind away!

Having been exiled from Yemen, contact with his family was almost zero. His father would contact him once in awhile and tell him that he still loved him and he will always be his son.

It wasn't until his dad learned of his conversion to Christianity. Once his dad learned that he was a Christian, he disowned him as his son and was excommunicated. He is viewed as a traitor and can be killed by any Muslim.

His story got so famous that even the Muslims residing in Sweden wanted him dead. One day a few Muslims confronted him with knives and told him to renounce Christianity and tell the media that he has made a mistake and is now a Muslim again or else they'd take his life.

He was dripping cold sweat as his faith shook again "GOD! Didn't you say no one will harm me here?". With that he silently whispered the name of Jesus.

All of a sudden, his assailants dropped their knives and ran away! God is indeed amazing!

The next encounter was worst. As he was gym-ing one day, 2 huge Yemen assassins probably sent by his father paid him a visit.

They asked him about his conversion to Christianity with a brandished gun. "Was it because of a pretty girl? Or was it so that you could stay in Sweden that you converted?..."

When he told them his faith in Christ was genuine, the Yemen assassins told him "Then right now, I'm gonna shoot you! We'll see what your Christian God can do about this!"

At this juncture, he told them "My God will protect me and you will not even touch a hair on my head." At that very instance of confession, the 2 Yemen assassins retracted their weapons and retreated saying "Don't come after us! If you come after us we will kill you!"

Just nice, the gym staff walked into the room as well and walked past the 2 assassins who just exited. She then asked Samuel "What did you do to them? They were crying as they left."

God is indeed a promise-keeper. His intervention is indeed timely! So God saw him through 2 honour killing attempts.

The next 2 testimonies are the highlight of the whole meeting. This is what really left my jaw wide open.

His sister was terminally ill and she contacted him just before she was predicted to die. She was suffering from some incurable muscle disease that will cause the muscles to stop working. It will eventually spread to the heart - which is also a muscle. The doctor said she had only 24hours to live. And that doctor was their family doctor - he knew all of them from young.

She was bed-ridden as she MSN-ed him and he wanted her to pray to Jesus for healing but she wouldn't because that'd be blasphemy and she wanted to die a Muslim.

He didn't know how else to get it across to her when God gave him an idea. He told her "If praying in Jesus' name is blasphemy, then you don't pray in Jesus' name. You pray in the name of my brother's God. So in this way, you wouldn't call on the name of Jesus but you'll be calling on your brother's God. So if you were to blaspheme, the fault will be mine."

That gave her an idea and after that conversation, he thought she was dead because he heard no further news from her.

However, a few days later, she MSN-ed him back and wanted to meet him up and he was amazed as she related her story:

She prayed to "her brother's God" and she went flying. A hand print on her back is still visible. She went to the family doctor and when he saw her he remarked "You should be in the earth!"

After going through a checkup, the doctor confirmed she was healed. He kept asking her how it happened. What food she ate, what did she do, etc...He told her "Tell me what you did to get you healed and I will make you famous!"

She refused to say because if she did, she'll probably end up like her brother - excommunicated from the family. But upon relentless coercion, she divulged the truth to the doctor who was very shocked.

Samuel's sister and her best friend then went through Bible study lessons with her brother for the next 4 months before she suddenly cut contact with him...for 6 years and counting. Samuel never knew what had happened to her, but he knows that no one can take Jesus away from her. Not death, not anything in this life.

The last and most amazing testimony of his also took place on MSN chat. He would join the Yemen or Middle East chatroom and chat with random Muslims.

One day he chat with this devout Muslim who knew his stuff. After sharing Christ several times, that guy didn't accept. So Samuel decided to tell him that he was a Muslim from the Middle East like he is. That guy didn't believe him so they Skype-d.

That guy was shocked and ferociously berated him for his act of blasphemy. There and then God told Samuel to talk about that man's daughter who had 3 holes in her heart.

That guy was stunned "How do you know about my daughter?! I don't want to talk to you again!"

Samuel didn't hear from him until months later that guy Skype-d him again and wanted to meet him. "I thought you said you never wanted to talk to me again?" enquired Samuel.

That guy told him "After that conversation with you, I dreamt that there was a white figure sitting beside my daughter in bed and when I went to the room, that white figure disappeared. I immediately woke up and rushed to my daughter's room and true enough I saw the white figure and he disappeared! I then woke my daughter up and asked her if she saw him. She said 'Yes he was here and he healed me. He said his name is Jesus'. The doctors verified she was healed! The thing is, the white figure Jesus disappeared! That's why I've now come to find you."

Samuel was overjoyed! He asked for his name. That guy told him "If you know who I am, you will be shocked beyond measure." and proceeded to tell Samuel his name.

Samuel went to Google his name and to his utmost horror, he realized, that guy he was chatting with is one of Al Qaeda's top man!!

That Al Qaeda activist then left with his daughter to meet him at an area where security was very lax. There, he told Samuel that he posted the story of his daughter's miraculous healing and revelation on the Al Qaeda's website! Because of that post, 30 members left the Al Qaeda!

That member then asked Samuel for a fake passport. However, Samuel told him "With God, you don't have to do things illegally. Just go to the immigration counter and tell them the whole truth."

True enough, when he went to the immigration counter, the officer told him "You are wanted by Interpol!" Immediately he told the immigration officer his story and miraculously, that officer was a believer as well. He replied him "Welcome to the family" and approved his entry.

What an amazing God we serve!

Samuel was telling us, the Muslim world is undergoing revival. 10-20 years ago, you can preach to a Muslim community for years and if you can even get one convert, you'll throw a massive party. But today, scores of Muslims are coming to the faith.

In the middle east, the younger generation are not tolerant of Islam and many are turning away from it. A revival is coming as these Middle Easterners seek the One, true God.

Even while in Singapore, Samuel spoke to a local Mullah and converted him! A conversation ensued between him and the Mullah and when the Mullah found out that Samuel was a Middle Eastern from Yemen, he automatically assumed Samuel was a learned Muslim...that's because the Yemenis were believed to be the wisest people - the wise men came from Sheba (modern day Yemen).

Samuel did not reveal his faith in Christ yet but he simply asked the Mullah a question while referencing 2 verses in the Qur'an:

The first verse he referred the Mullah to was to the record that Prophet Muhammad died.

The second verse referred to was a verse in the Qur'an that said that God raised Jesus from the dead and his people will be the greatest people on the Earth.

He then asked the Mullah about this inconsistency. The Mullah could not answer his question and he referred this question to another learned Muslim friend who's also probably a Mullah.

He was then severely scolded and kicked out of his friend's house for asking such questions! That Mullah was then very disillusioned and hurt and when he met up with Samuel again, he was crying because he was so hurt by the reaction and he felt so cheated all this while that all he ever believed in was a lie.

Samuel then went on to tell him "I was in the exact same position as you - getting verbally abused for seeking truth in Islam..." and he went on to share his story of how he came to fall in love with Jesus Christ.

~~~~~~~

This man is indeed an amazing man of God. His walk with God is ever so real, relevant and radical.

My dad then concluded with a short end times message reminding us that Jesus will return the second time only when the whole world hears about the Good News.

So now, which part of the world is most resistant to and have yet to hear the Good News? Middle East. But God is revealing Himself strong to many Middle Easterners.

Brother Samuel is just one of them. Books published by Mark. A. Gabriel and how he converted to Christianity and a book titled "Son of Hamas" all tells of stories of hardcore fundamentalist radical Islamists having supernatural encounters with Jesus Christ - someone whom they have never heard of or even if heard of have entirely embittered mindsets toward.

God indeed is rocking the Muslim community. As He pours out His spirit over all the earth, we must remain vigilant and walk with Him in the last days.

We are and will be part of this "last days" revival that will sweep across the world - especially Middle East - converting the Jews and Muslims who are anti-Jesus.

Hold fast to the faith as we see Christianity being challenged and persecuted on all fronts as it still spreads radically.

The more the persecution, the further the gospel spread because when His people get scattered, they bring the message across the globe just like in the Old Testament in Acts 8:1 "On that day a great persecution broke out against the church at Jerusalem, and all except the apostles were scattered throughout Judea and Samaria."

Contrast this to Acts 1:8 "But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth."

It is persecution that grows the church. Satan knows that thus he does not blatantly attack the church, he makes the church lose its focus and purpose by making it preoccupied with fights over theology, making it focus on making the church just a beautiful building, or reducing it to a prosperity gospel and easy-cheap-grace religion.

Above all, this talk reminded me that God is alive and kicking and is very much involved in individuals today. We serve a mighty God that will keep to His promises.

Let me end with this verse:

Matthew 16:18

"And I tell you, you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church, and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it."

His church will stand for all time, so hold fast to the faith and partner with the Holy Spirit to see more signs and wonders in the last days.