Read this off a Facebook post by one of my friends. Thought it to be rather thought provoking. It's about a nurse who works in palliative care who gets to hear the dying man/woman's greatest regret in life. This is the URL to the article
http://www.karenstan.net/2013/11/11/nurse-reveals-top-5-regrets-people-make-deathbed/
But to make it easier for you and me, I pasted the whole essay here for convenient perusal. Yup, hope this speaks to you one way or another :)
"For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives. People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality.
I learnt never to underestimate someone’s capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them.
When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:
1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.
It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.
2. I wish I didn't work so hard.
This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.
By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.
3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Manydeveloped illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.
We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way,you win.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.
It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again. When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying."
The pain in those two words "I wish" for all 5 regrets is piercing. Hope you'll stop wishing henceforth and begin to be true to yourself, cherish the people around you and love everyone whom God sends into your life :)
In the end, what matters is your walk with God and how you have loved others. So simple right? When you are walking right with God, you will naturally walk right with others and love them not out of your own mortal, imperfect efforts and flawed definitions of love, but you'll be a channel of God's perfect love into their lives.
So, if these are the things that matter, then why not take a look around? What is the whole of mankind chasing after? Fame? Fortune? Success? It's not wrong to chase those things. But once we lose ourselves and what life really is while chasing those things...then...we'll be making those wishes on our deathbeds too.
Got reminded of this old saying which I always tell my friends:
"If you don't worship God, you'll end up worshipping money, status, fame, success and everything else that will leave you empty when you are lying on your deathbed...if you get the chance to lie on one."
Yup, lemme leave you with this passage of scripture:
1 John 2:15-17
[15] Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, love for the Father is not in them. [16] For everything in the world – the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life – comes not from the Father but from the world. [17] The world and its desires pass away, but whoever does the will of God lives for ever.
